Insomniatic Musings
by PutteringPoet
Summary: Lily is in the same bed as James. They are not together, yet. These are her thoughts. R&R.


I'm tired.

So tired.

Too tired.

I need sleep.

I can't sleep.

It's not fair.

I just feel like never speaking again.

It's that bad.

I'm in different bed tonight.

Not my bed.

I'm in this bed.

His bed.

Why?

Because I can't sleep alone tonight.

I can't.

His bed is perfect.

Just as soft…

The only issue is….

He's in it.

He's right beside me.

Breathing…. In, out, in, out.

His chest moving up and down, rising and falling with every inhale and exhale.

I hear it.

I feel it.

It's perfect.

He's perfect.

If only he knew…

Oh wait, he does know, and flaunts it.

That's why I hated him in the first place.

It hasn't been like that this year.

He's different.

He hasn't been arrogant.

He's been kind.

He's just been normal.

Well he still pulls pranks, but less so.

He's still confident, but less so.

He still looks at me, but less so.

I mean look at where I am right now.

I got in bed with him because I couldn't sleep alone.

And I chose him, his bed.

Not because his door is just across the common room.

But because I wanted to be with him.

I know I'll be able to sleep when I'm in the same bed as him.

Probably because I'm in love with him…

Crazy how I can admit that now.

I feel like such a baby, having to get in bed with someone so I can fall asleep.

Just like I would do with my Mum and Dad.

I miss them.

I'm not going to see them this summer.

I'm never going to see them again.

They're gone, forever.

I'm not going to be able to hug them.

Not going to be able to tell them about my troubles.

Not going to be able to talk to Dad about my life here.

Not going to be able to help Mum in the kitchen.

Why did they die?

I needed them!

Who do I have now?

Stop crying, Lily!

You do that all the time now!

It's so hard not to these days.

Everything feels turned upside down.

Even with James.

I used to yell at him all the time.

He's my friend now.

He hasn't chased after me at all.

For some bizarre reason I miss it.

I miss eating breakfast then looking up for no reason and meeting hazel eyes.

I miss writing notes then looking up randomly and meeting hazel eyes.

I miss him screaming my name in the Great Hall, trying to get my attention.

The ceiling has so many dots.

I can't count them all.

I can't concentrate when he sighs.

Hazel.

That's my favorite color.

Black.

So dark, so tempting, so daring, so soft.

It's amazing how all my worries drift away when I think about his eyes.

Ah, here he comes.

Merlin he's close…

Now I can sleep.

It's funny how he has to hold on to something when he sleeps...

Usually it's just his pillow though…

Never me.

Mmmm his arms do feel good.

Oh Merlin, his hand's on the skin of my back.

Stupid shirt just can't stay down.

Feels pretty good though…

Maybe if I just turn like this…

And put my head on his shoulder like so…

I think it would be alright if I just wrap my arm around him.

Just somewhere to put it…

Merlin his back is strong…

Aw, he sighed again.

It wouldn't hurt anything if I kissed his neck.

It wouldn't wake him up.

Nope.

Merlin, he tastes good.

He said my name!

He actually whispered it in his sleep!

Oh Merlin…

How many times have I said Merlin now?

Too many, I suppose.

That's what he does to me.

I'm smiling.

I can't stop.

Nope can't do it!

Haha.

I want to snog him senseless!

I wonder how he'd feel about that…

I'm so tired…

This is perfect.

He's practically cradling me.

I yawned!

Yes…

I'm close to sleep.

Almost there…

I almost don't want to go to sleep now.

I never want to move.

I can barely keep my eyes open though.

Did he just kiss my head?

Great now I'm imagining things.

It felt real..

Did his hands just move?

I'm pretty sure I felt his fingers stroke my skin…

I'm definitely falling asleep now.

I'm starting to dream.

While I'm already imagining things….

"James…" She whispered in his ear.

He grunted in response, though she knew he was still half asleep.

"I love you…."

His eyes opened wide.

"What?! Lily?!"

But she was already asleep.

He grinned.

"Knew it would happen eventually."

He bent his head down and crooned into her ear: "Sleep well, Lily-flower."

* * *

_So I wrote this a while ago. _

_I know I should be working on my other story, but sometimes I need to write something completely random. _

_It helps. _

_Please review! :)  
_


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